Note: Presley is our two-year toddler and Bella is our dog…
PHASE ONE: BLISS & ENDLESS IMAGINATION
- Feelings of excitement for the new journey begin to brew!
- Scheduled meeting with the realtors. “We’re buying a house!” [giddy dance]
- The preliminary online MLS browsing begins. No criteria filters, just investigating the potential amazing houses on the market.
- Gathering your brand new house hunting pencil (freshly sharpened, eraser in tact) and cute little notebook for note taking the successes along the journey.
- Working out the financials with the mortgage broker. Using these numbers to calculate an affordable mortgage, price range and percent down. “Great! Let’s get out there and see what this gets us!”
- Creating the New Home Priority List …1600+ square feet, 3 bedrooms, good-sized yard, off major road or highway, close to friends and family.
- Creating the New Home Nice To Have List …2 bathrooms, near water / beaches, accessible (off main road) jogging / walking routes, fenced in yard, cute town close by, accessible to parks, supermarket, shopping, gym, library…
PHASE TWO: RATIONALIZING & MINOR MELTDOWNS
- [Back yard is essentially a large tiled back deck.] “Cute wine drinking courtyard… Feels like we are traveling abroad. Fun for kids and adults.”
- “This place is making me nauseous, we have to go. But we could probably fix that. Dramamine?”
- “Well, I could quickly jog off this busy road with no sidewalks to the nearest side road and walk with the kids or workout there.”
- “Is that a large snow covered meadow? No? A landfill? Um, well no one can build on that right?… privacy!”
- “This place is absolutely disgusting. OK, OK, I can be open-minded. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure… See beyond the mounds and smell…”
- “So the only bathroom in the house is on the first floor off of the living room? I can shower before anyone comes over. Every time. As our family of five grows… I can do that for sure. Cute robe anyone?”
- “It would be easier to just make stickers that say “This house sucks. Fail. It’s hopeless.” than to continuously write it in this useless idiotic notebook.” [trash]
- “Hun, five people can fit in 900 square feet. We can make it work. It’s cozy. Just look at the location! Its perfect.”
- “This is the one. It’s in move-in condition. We have to place an offer today. We can fence in the driveway and the kids can play there. Maybe they will get really close with the neighbors and play in their yard. I mean we are practically sharing a living room.”
- “So if the master bedroom is on the first floor, I could just go upstairs twelve times a night to feed and check on the three babies. I’m sure it wont bother me.”
PHASE THREE: DELUSIONAL
- “On-street parking only? Well, we could create a device that straps the twins and their large bucket seats onto each shoulder, I will hold Presley on a leash so she doesn’t run into the street and I can hang grocery bags on my arms. This can be done in one trip, it will be fine. It will be like a workout. I’ll need it after this pregnancy.”
- “Do we have anything to sell? What’s Bella worth?”
- “If you really listen, now listen closely, the major highway running behind the house sounds like the ocean. It’s kind of relaxing. Luxury if you ask me.”
- “Presley can sleep in the room above the garage that currently smells like pot. The artistic scriptures on the walls will keep her busy reading.”
- “Let’s just offer more money than we have and see how long we can ride it out.”
- “What if we simply just pick the shit-box house up and move it back into the lot so we can still enjoy the large amount of land without being nestled right next to the very busy main road? Is that expensive? Then we can renovate the entire house.”
- “It’s kind of far away from everything… and anyone… That shouldn’t be a big deal. We can just drive two hours a day to see our friends and family. No big deal. Its an easy ride.”
- “Lets just tear it down and start over. Do you think it can get done in time for the babies to be born in June?”
- New Priority List: Not haunted. No previous fires in the basement.
- “Its not always a bad idea living in the same neighborhood as your crack dealer.”
Looking forward to another long day of house hunting. It’s out there! Today is the day, I can feel it! Wish us luck…