Dumb Things I Say Daily

Maybe the Twins and Big Sis will sleep in today.

I will not put a Pull-Up on Big Sis out of convenience for me.

I am going to wear jeans and pretend I am part of society.

I will not raise my voice to discipline. I will only speak in reason. Like a good mom.

“Please don’t drink the water you are using to paint with. It’s disgusting and likely not good for your body… Thanks for understanding.”

Big Sis will eat food today. Food outside the category of Goldfish.

I will wash and style my hair. And put makeup on.

I’m off carbs… until breakfast.

I will do yoga first thing when I wake up instead of checking my phone.

Is my black running hoodie clean? Well, did you do laundry? Damn. Still wearing it…

I am going to pick an educational Pinterest project to do with Big Sis today.

I will not give into giving gross processed food to Big Sis. I am going to devote time to be a gourmet chef and make her love vegetables.

I need a new DIY project.

I’m not going to have wine today.

Maybe I turned off that stupid Elmo CD in the car so when we get in Big Sis doesn’t remember it.

Thinking Big Sis would forget about “her music” in the car. 

I am going to organize all of my photos.

Starting today, I’m going to drink warm lemon water every single morning.

I am going to update the baby books. What day were they born? What time were they born? I’ll wait on this project.

I am going to write a blog post today. No, I’m going to write two posts today and get ahead!

That plant has been dead for days. I should toss it. Or water it.

How is fishy still alive? It’s been a year. I hope he doesn’t pass away. Or she? I wonder if fish have a gender. Well, they reproduce… How do they know who’s what? I will be really sad if he ever passed away. Or she.

I’m going to pack everyone up and make it to story time at the library for 10am. Shoot, I’m late.

This filter makes me look so young and flawless. Wait, that’s Big Sis.

I really hope hubby didn’t run the dishwasher last night so I have to empty it.

I am going to read worldly events and freak hubby out at dinner.

I should re-work Big Sis’s bedtime routine so she doesn’t yell for water, popcorn, a doll, crayons, a book, her sister, daddy, or need a hug when the lights go out.

OK, maybe just a little glass of wine. When everyone goes to bed.

We should get a sitter to watch all three babies and get a hotel room for the weekend.

Maybe I’ll find a $50 bill on the way into the gym. I would buy a guilt free cup of Starbucks coffee. Although, I should probably return it to the front desk so they find who lost it. It would suck to lose $50.

I will not post anymore amazingly cute photos of my kids on Facebook. No, no, I TAKE THAT BACK! I cant deprive anyone of them. Because they want to see them obviously. Even if I haven’t talked to them in 10 years.

OK, no wine. JUST tequila.

Any of these sound familiar? What are some genius gone dumb things you say daily?