We are realizing we are behind with an update. We begin to notice this when we start to receive an abundance of texts asking about her. We are so thankful that we get these and that she is still on the forefront of your minds.
I secretly feel like we went absent because Mila has been doing awesome. And I fear admitting that. You know, you don’t want the wrong ‘being’ to hear that and be like, “Oh!, that’s right!” [swing magic wand] enter fever (or other dramatic things that I don’t want to mention).
I try to practice not to think like this. It is what it is, and there will be good days and bad. Some chemo sessions better than others.
Oh! But I have some AMAZING …. [great, awesome, jump up and down… you get the point] news. Mila got her genetic test results back. There is NOT a genetic gene.
Sorry Mila, you got a bit of shit luck. But as for the rest of the family (identical twin included) genetics will not be a factor. As I type this; it feels like a sick thing to be excited about. “At least your cancer isn’t contagious!” High fives! Doesn’t matter, at the end of the day people get cancer. And who the hell knows what its from. [depressing]
I’m sorry I just made a good thing depressing. It’s the OVER THINKER in me. It’s why I drink wine. Slows it down a bit.
So as we know, Mila gets her three chemo Wednesday every 21 days. This past session a girlfriend came with Mila and I. I was so hesitant (not because of my lack of faith in my girlfriend) but in my lack of faith in myself without Mark. It’s a long day. Anyway, she was an amazing help. To both Mila and myself. Never let your insecurities lead your way.
Besides the inevitable sweating all day (mom), Mila did awesome. The backpack did come home with us. But we learned a couple things since the last back pack episode.
She still does use it as a pillow at night in her crib. I have a plethora of toys upstairs in the twins bedroom and on the kitchen table. They remain in their cribs (backpack in hand) as long as they will possibly stand it and then they go eat in their booster chairs at the table. Food. More toys. More toys. AND more toys. I don’t care if you permanent marker the table. Just stay in one place.
Mila has a nanny weekday mornings. Whom she loves dearly. And for a couple of hours they spend one on one time (backpack and all) and the rest of the girls run around for a couple of hours before coming home to the house for the remainder of the day. Repeat lunch efforts the same as breakfast and then force a nap. By the end of the nap; the backpack period is coming to a close. I even removed the access myself. I was certainly more traumatized than Mila! But I did it. Anyway, thank goodness another big chemo day down.
I realize you did not ask to hear about the backpack in detail…
All in all. These past couple of weeks, Mila has impressed me with her strength, positivity and willingness to laugh through it all. Her laughter spreads throughout the entire fam and keeps us positive.
Another thing keeping us focused on just living our lives as normal as can be and staying on a positive track; is the support from our family and friends. It takes my breath away and is very… what is the word I am even looking for. Moving. To say the least.
Knowing that you have a concrete human wall, side by side, shoulder to shoulder, brick to brick.. Creating a circle, a wall around you. A wall of support. Not even a whisper of air, or weakness could break through.
That moves me. That takes my breath away.
And we thank you for that. It’s working. It gives us strength. And we are thankful. For you.
One foot in front of the other and we just keep moving forward.